Dear Chicago, Lebron is Not Trying to Be Your New Dad

I'm all for Bosh coming to Chicago. Clearly, that is the best option. But. But, if the stars align themselves just right, Mr. LeBron James coming along (or rather, Bosh following James) to Chicago wouldn't be such a bad thing either. Now the main problem that I can see is that James would have to win the hearts and minds of Chicagoans (and Joakim Noah) who have grown up with He Who Shall Be Named, Michael "I Was Pretty Much Unstoppable" Jordan. James coming to Chicago would inevitably and annoyingly draw comparisons to Jordan, since LeBron has pretty much been hailed as the Second Coming (Second Coming of Jordan, though maybe Christ too. We'll know for sure once he starts talking about doing his "Father's business", which may or may not include ferocious dunking and a demi-god like physique) by those who have been paying attention to professional basketball since 2003.

So it's like this: Chicago Bulls fans not wanting Lebron James to come to Chicago is like that little kid who is getting a new step dad. This kid's biological dad was pretty much the greatest father ever to walk upon terra firma, but died tragically while saving disabled orphans from a burning orphanage, carrying children upon his massive back and cradling them in his sculpted arms. But it's been 12 years since Dad died and Mom is kinda getting lonely, making her way through a string of mediocre boyfriends, and she has the chance to finally be happy again and don't you want Mommy to be happy? And like all kids getting a new step dad, they think this new dad is trying to replace their old dad, which in both this analogy and in real life, isn't possible. Chicago, I'm telling you, LeBron James is not trying to be your new dad. But he will make your Mom happy by taking her out to fancy dinners once in a while, have fresh flowers by her bed side, and by performing stunning amounts of cunnilingus. Also, he'll win your Mom an NBA championship. You want Mommy to be happy, don't you?

Post by Mr. Flighwhite Jr.